Joke of the moment

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jusbcuzz
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Joke of the moment

Post by jusbcuzz »

Ok, so I've been listening to jokes left and right at work and think that they're funny. I know we're a funny bunch too and would like to share some when the moment strikes and invite everyone else to share.

This has to be my all time favorite joke.


How do you make a kleenex dance?


Put a little boogy in it :dance:
word count: 65

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ThyneAlone
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by ThyneAlone »

Good one, Cor! :clap:

I'm going to keep this up as a separate thread atm though it does really belong in Random, with just one caveat: keep it clean, folks. Thanks to TJ's universal appeal, we have some quite young members here!
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Dr.Valentine
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by Dr.Valentine »

Doohoohoo, I have one!!!


What did the fish say when it swam into the concrete wall?
:think:
:doh:
:shifty:
:think:
...
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...
...
...
...
...
...
...
Dam :]
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jusbcuzz
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by jusbcuzz »

ThyneAlone wrote:Good one, Cor! :clap:

I'm going to keep this up as a separate thread atm though it does really belong in Random, with just one caveat: keep it clean, folks. Thanks to TJ's universal appeal, we have some quite young members here!
Thanks for leaving it Steph. It's nice to have something random but not lose it in the random or sofa thread. :)

So this one is for Sharon. I'm sure you've heard it before but I can't resist.


If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?

Think about it...
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skftex
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by skftex »

My answer is smurfs are cartoon characters so you can't choke them. LOL (Yes, I've heard it many many many times)
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skftex
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by skftex »

Two cannibals are eating dinner, and one cannibal says to the other cannibal, "You know, I really don't like my mother-in-law" and the other cannibal says "That is okay, just eat the noodles."

:mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: :mrgreen: Sorry, just heard that on the baseball broadcast it cracked me up its so bad! :oops:
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jusbcuzz
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by jusbcuzz »

That is horrible. I love it. :lol: I have two this time around. The first one is along the same lines.

A young lady stops by her grandmother's house on the way to a dance. She wants to introduce her boy friend to her grandmother. As they are chatting, her boy friend spies some peanuts on the coffee table. He begins munching on them as they converse.

After about an hour, they are getting ready to leave and he thanks the grandmother for her hospitality and especially for the peanuts.

"Oh, your welcome young man," she says. "I appreciate you finishing them up. Ever since I lost my dentures I can only suck the chocolate off of them."




A farmer walked into an attorney's office wanting to file for a divorce. The attorney asked, "May I help you?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I want to get one of those dayvorce's." The attorney said, "well do you have any grounds?"

The farmer said, "Yea, I got about 140 acres." The attorney said, " No, you don't understand, do you have a case?" The farmer said, "No, I don't have a Case, but I have a John Deere." The attorney said, "No you don't understand, I mean do you have a grudge?"

The farmer said, "Yea I got a grudge, that's where I park my John Deere." The attorney said, "No sir, I mean do you have a suit?" The farmer said, "Yes sir, I got a suit. I wear it to church on Sundays."

The exasperated attorney said, "Well sir, does your wife beat you up or anything?" The farmer said, "No sir, we both get up about 4:30."

Finally, the attorney says, "Okay, let me put it this way. "WHY DO YOU WANT A DIVORCE?" And the farmer says, "Well, I can never have a meaningful conversation with her."
word count: 315

jusbcuzz
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by jusbcuzz »



What do you give a Cannibal who is late for dinner?


The cold shoulder.
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Dr.Valentine
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by Dr.Valentine »

ahahahahahahaha, those are so freakin' funny!!! Especially the grandma peanuts xP ewwww hahahahahaha!

Joke! :
So, there are two muffins in an oven, baking.
Exasperated, one cries out, "It's too hot in here!"
Out screams the other, "Holy crap, a talking muffin!"



What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino?
Ell- if- I-no!



One day a college professor was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and asked if anyone in the class was an idiot, and if they were, they should stand. After a minute a young man stood up. The professor then asked the kid if he actually thought he was an idiot. The kid replied, 'No, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself'



ahh, I love jokes!
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llamalah
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by llamalah »

a silly aussie joke:

Why did the koala fall out of the tree?
It was dead

Why did the second koala fall out of the tree?
It was tied to the first.

Why did the third koala fall out of the tree?
Peer Pressure

Why did the kangaroo die?
Three koalas fell on its head.
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skftex
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by skftex »

HAHAHAHAHA llama those were terrible! I loved them! :D Laughed so much at that! Thanks!
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D_Cal
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by D_Cal »

Life Lessons:

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks about 2″ in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The students laughed as the professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

“Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things — your family, your partner, your health, your children — things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”

There was total silence as the students absorbed the lesson.

“If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.”

The students started nodding in agreement at the professor’s profound wisdom.

“Take care of the rocks first,” the professor finished — “the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”

But then…

A student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a bottle of beer — and then another! Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.

The moral of this tale is…
That no matter how full your life is, there is always room for a beer or two.


This one seemed appropriate:

An older man lived alone in New Jersey . He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa

A few days later he received a letter from his son:

Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.

That same day the old man received another letter from his son:

Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie
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Apparently all Angela needed was to hear her job description in a deep African-American tone. - Zack Addy

jade.stormcloud
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by jade.stormcloud »

Those were both great. :D Thanks for sharing.
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Rain
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by Rain »

What sound does a grape make when an elephant steps on it.....

It just lets out a little Wine (whine), LOL! Love the corny!
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jusbcuzz
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by jusbcuzz »

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor daughter a dress
When she got there the cupboard was bare and so was her daughter I guess. ;)
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NyxStina
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Re: Joke of the moment

Post by NyxStina »

My dad sent me this joke in my email, hope it's ok.
-----------------------------------

The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and decided to offer
an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered
for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight
line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose
what those two points would be.


The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top
of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and
walked out with a bonus of$72,000.


The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked
Out with $96,000.


The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Gunny
Sergeant who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,
'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'


It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had
received.

But the old Gunny Sergeant insisted and they decided to go along with
him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.


The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Gunny to 'drop
'em,'which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the
tip of the Gunny's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he
suddenly exclaimed,

''Where are your testicles?''


The old Gunny calmly replied, '' Vietnam''.
:D :D :D :D
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Wise man not play leap frog with unicorn...