(DISCLAIMER - I am not, by any stretch of the imagination, a poet.)
Ode to the Inexplicably Creepy Guy in the Park on a Summer Morning
Oh Inexplicably Creepy Guy,
Why are you here in the park so early on this Summer Morning?
I see you munching your donut under the Big Maple Tree,
Rainbow Sprinkles falling on your tasseled loafers.
But, Inexplicably Creepy Guy,
Why are you here?
Your shoes say you’re not jogging.
You’ve no dog to walk.
You’ve no book to sit and read.
You’re just munching your donut, and starring off into space as rainbow sprinkles cascade to the ground.
I put in my earphones.
And ponder the mystery of your presence.
as Bono blasts through my head.
‘And I STILLLLLL haven’t found,
What I’m Looking FOOOOOR….’
My music blaring,
I start to run.
As I start to near you,
Our eyes meet.
Yours start to travel down my body.
Mine shoot you a Look of Death.
As I pass you,
Your vanilla icing covered hand reaches out to brush me.
And stare you down.....
You wisely turn your tasseled loafers around,
Going back to the Big Maple Tree.
Content to finish your donut,
While the rainbow sprinkles augment the colour of the fallen leaves at your feet.
As I finish my run,
I think of you with regret, More Explicably Creepy Guy.
Regret I didn’t crush you with a cutting remark.
Regret I didn’t jam your donut up one of your primary nasal passages.
As I reach my car,
I see you try your Accidentally on Purpose maneuver again.
But alas, you’ve chosen your target poorly.
For this jogger runs with her very protective German Shepard.
Silly Dim-Witted Creepy Guy.
And, as I watch the German Shepard gaily run away,
At top speed with one of your tasseled loafers,
While the jogger beats you with what’s left of your donut,
I think about how truly hilarious karma can be.
Minds are like parachutes. Just because you've lost yours, it doesn't mean you can borrow mine.