My dad sent me this joke in my email, hope it's ok.
The Marine Corps found they had too many officers and decided to offer
an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered
for Retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight
line between any Two points in his body.. The officer got to choose
what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top
of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and
walked out with a bonus of$72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be
measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked
Out with $96,000.
The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Gunny
Sergeant who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied,
'From the tip of my weenie to my testicles.'
It was suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider,
explaining about the nice big checks the previous two Officers had
But the old Gunny Sergeant insisted and they decided to go along with
him providing the measurement was taken by a Medical Officer.
The Medical Officer arrived and instructed the Gunny to 'drop
'em,'which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the
tip of the Gunny's weenie and began to work back. "Dear Lord!", he
''Where are your testicles?''
The old Gunny calmly replied, '' Vietnam''.